'Jesus, You teach those who have ears to hear Your Voice, it is wisdom to seek first Your Kingdom and Righteousness and in the doing all things will work out for the good.' was the beginning of my prayer.

I had written a check unaware my husband has written one too. After a time of separation, we were trying to work things out with God's help; communication was obviously one of the things we were being shown we needed to work on first. I was particularly distressed my check was going to bounce because due to my driving on a bad inspection ticket, it was to pay a fine to the Police Department. I was sure I would be arrested if God did not intervene and show me what to do next.

Being a newborn in my spiritual understanding, I was trying to stand on my own two feet and I did not have a peace about borrowing money when our vehicle failed inspection.  Knowing my family was concerned that I had taken my Husband back after becoming a born again Believer, deterred me from seeking help from them. In days gone by... I had borrowed more than I cared to and I had made a decision not to do so this time; thinking that would be what God expected of me as we began this new life together in the Spirit.

Before learning the lesson of Presumption, when our sole Vehicle failed inspection, without seeking the Lord's will and wisdom on the matter, I presumed I already knew it and asked Father if he would keep me from being pulled over and stepped out with the hope and assumption he would protect me as I drove back and forth to work.  To think otherwise, filled my mind with worst case scenarios.  Like others I have met since, I presumed I had no other recourse than to drive it to work with a bad inspection ticket and take my chances ... I needed to keep my job, if I lost that, I'd loose my Apt. I needed money to make the car legal... so I assumed under the circumstances, the wisest thing to do would be to just drive it back and forth to work.  I had no problem walking everywhere else and was conscientious about this because I was given a desire that my life to be lived with integrity.  

I was surprised when I was pulled over... and sought the mind of the Lord as to why this was allowed.  His Holy Spirit convicted me of my foolishness in not asking and listening for His Guidance and will first... teaching me a valuable lesson on assumption.  He also revealed to me that His will, will vary from day to day and urged me to seek it daily and not project from my past as He taught me various lessons during my spiritual journey of faith.

I continued my prayer... repenting for not seeking His wisdom and will first, (once again, would the Spiritual Habit before formed I wondered) and sought His provision in the doing. As I listened intently I was given the gift of faith to believe that He was going to provide in an miraculous way and all I needed to do for now was to trust Him. I was told I was to trust in His love and His desire to provide without my having to turn to others first in my times of need. I was encouraged to ask for His manifested will and power before I began each day, henceforth as He reminded me, He has a plan which is unfolding, which is motivated by love and His omniscience presence, power and authority as HE raises me Spiritually in the way I am to go.  I fully expected something to happen and would not have been surprised had an Angel appeared... the faith I had received as I listened was so strong.

Instead... I received a letter from the Police Department. The Officer on my case had been dismissed due to corruption and all of his cases were being thrown out and they were returning my uncashed check.

Years later... after learning experientially, the Spirit of God desires for us to trust Him and that He has a plan which is unfolding for wondrous purposes, in the midst of oppression, I was given an Angelic Encounter.  During that Encounter... I received the understanding, the time would come when I would be sharing such testimonies as above, to encourage those who are struggling and seeking His truth and wisdom for their own lives. I understood part of His Plan for my life was for me to comfort and encourage with the comfort and wisdom He has given me, and in the doing... offer hope to those who are seeking Spiritual Truth and a intimate relationship with their Creator ... to inspire them the reach out to HIM for themselves. For those interested in such testimonies... know, it is my hope I will be inspired to share such here, in future blogs.

For now... may you be given the will to receive the fullness which is your as a child of God, with all your heart... and be an encouragement in the doing.

When I got my first bad tooth ache... I asked the Lord if it was His will to heal me of this.

Having been healed of a *Tubular Pregnacy with a Creative Miracle, I knew HE could do something similar regarding my tooth if that was part of His Spiritual Plan for my life's lessons at this time. As I sought His mind on this occasion I remembered a time I was scheduled for Surgery for a Herniated Disc. Upon seeking the mind of the Lord as to whether this was His will or not... I heard in my Spirit, 'Be obedient to the Doctor and you will not need Surgery.'

The Dr said, 'You're too inflamed for the Surgery. We will schedule it for two weeks from now. In the meantime rest, avoid all stairs and don't pick up anything heavier than a 5 pound bag of potatoes, Take this for pain and................'

I was obedient to the Lord's revealed will and the surgery was canceled. Although back problems run in our family and I had major back issues previous to this... since that day I only get occasional back aches. For such I am truly grateful!  Now, when I know of others going though situations similar to mine, I pray with compassion in hopes they too will reach out to receive of the fullness of His will for them, hopefully through an intimate relationship which imparts joy and an inner knowing which births peace.

On this occasion, as stated, I was waiting upon the Lord to show me if it was His will to heal my tooth and what my part would be if any.  Initially I received no direction. When the pain got to the point where I could no longer bare it... a strong impression of a Phone Book and the words, 'It's time to find a Dentist.' came to mind.

Before opening the Phone Book, I asked for the one of His choice and for His provision regarding the payment of the Bill, as my account was empty.  A Dentist's name leapt off the page and I called for an Appointment. I told the Dentist my concern was not just the tooth, I was in need of setting up a payment plan, if he was willing to work something out. Otherwise I would call around.  He set up the Appointment for Sunday... although I was grateful, I was stressed me out because I knew emergency rates were higher. A feeling of being overwhelmed financially began to overtake me, but I renounced it and chose to trust He would work it all out for the good ... a Revelation He made alive in My Spirit and causes me to experience as His Truth for my life.

Upon arriving at the Dentist, I tried to discuss the payment issue in advance... but was ushered back to the Dental Chair instead.

Perhaps you can imagine my awe when upon completion the Dentist said, 'I am a Christian. Any work I do on Sunday I do in the name of Lord Jesus Christ.  There will be no fee.  Consider this a gift from God.'

After being healed supernaturally of a Tubular Pregnancy... the Pastor of the Church I was visiting spoke of a healing in his own life and healings of other Pastors.  He gave Testimony of a recent time when he was taking an Eye Exam at DMV. He said he had been given the Gift of Faith to believe God was going to heal his eyes when he took his eye exam.  When it was his turn he took off his glasses and tried to read the letters.  As the woman behind the counter asked him if he could see the letters he'd respond, 'I believe I can see'.

The letters did not come into focus until this woman frustrated, finally said, 'Then read the letters!'

In his enthusiasm, this Pastor then encouraged us to step out in faith and line up near the Pulpit and allow himself or one of the Church Leaders to lay hands on us that we might receive the healing power of God, based upon New Testament Scriptures. 

My eyesight was in need of healing, so after that Sermon every time there was a healing line, I stepped out for the healing of my eyes, but nothing happened. One Person said I did not have enough faith, so I needed to envision the healing and to prove I believed by stepping out in faith and taking off my glasses and claiming it, for it to come into being.  Assuming as a Leader they knew best and remembering the Testimony of the Pastor, as a new Believer this made sense. Presuming this is what God would want, without seeking His truth of the matter for myself, I took off my glasses and stumbled around ... naming and claiming my physical healing for a period of time. Meanwhile, this Pastor continued teaching Sermons on the healing power of God and our Spiritual Authority as born again Believers. I knew God heals experientially already, so my heart bore witness to His healing power. The Revelation of claiming my Spiritual Authority through my union with Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. was one which was new and I embraced it with the understanding of a Spiritual Infant. When some of us did not get our healing right away, Pastor taught us to keep claiming it with positive confessions and prayers of spiritual warfare. Eventually he also taught that we must be in need of seeking God as to which sin was keeping us from getting our healing. Nothing the Pastor told me to do worked and I was beginning to become swallowed up in condemnati. I became confused.  Realizing condemnation and confusion are not fruits of the Holy Spirit, I found my self at a loss as to what to do. About that time we were told we just did not have enough faith and we needed to seek the Spirit of the Lord for more ... Fasting and deliverance was recommended.

Upon hearing this, I sensed a need to take a Sabbatical and chose to fast and pray alone at that time.  After asking for a word from the Spirit of the Lord regarding Father's mind on these matters, I waiting with a listening heart.  I prayed in tongues with a sense of expectancy, but had no preconceived expectations. Eventually I fell asleep...

I woke up hearing the words, 'Having your feet shod with the preparation of the Gospel of Peace,' and realized I had lost the peace Jesus had originally imparted and was in need of having it renewed.

Next I heard, 'The Word of the Lord came unto Jeremiah. The Word of the Lord came unto Ezekiel, The Word of the Lord came unto Isaiah and Moses ... The word of the Lord did not come to you and tell you to take off your glasses and claim My healing power with Spiritual Authority. Put your glasses back on.'

I am reminded of a dream I had where as a little child I was trying to wield a Giant Sword. When I awoke from the dream I was given the impression, I needed to grow before I could pick up the Sword and use it with Authority.

When I realized I was walking in presumption, I reacted with anger.  I asked Father, 'After I asked to be led to the Church of Your choice, with the hopes the Holy Spirit would lead me into all truth, why did You allow all of that to take place?'

In response heard, 'I needed to expose the part of your Adamic nature which wants to be God, before we could move on together, enabling you to come up higher in your Spiritual Awareness. Release it to Me... as children of God you are my inheritance, you are not God. You are not to ride on another's Coat Tails nor to presume based upon another's Testimony. Seek Me and My will of the moment first. Put your trust in Me not a man or their teachings, not in your belief, or your inherent right to My power as a Child of God. Come to ME directly first. I will reveal and confirm my Truth. I will reveal My will with wondrous signs following...'

Humbled... I have sought to do so as His child who is aware I am growing in Spirit and Truth according to His plan for my life.  I understand better these days what it means to die daily to the old ways of being, perceptions and preconditioning before I was born of the Holy Spirit, that I might embrace the new life with His regenerative power and all He desires having offered such.

In the previous post 'Readers Request: A 'Death by Chocolate' Recipe, I mentioned the person who requested the Recipe was in need of prayer for cancer. I also named a new few others who are desirous of a Miracle. By way of encouragement to them and other's with a desire for a genuine Miracle; and for the benefit of those who are seeking for themselves the Truths of God, at this time I am being inspired to share a Testimony of a Miracle Healing in my own life.  This is an excerpt from my Draft Manuscript to one of my upcoming EBooks, 'Enter into Gods Rest ... A Spiritual Journey of Faith and the Heart of God'.

At the beginning of my Spiritual Journey of Faith in 1978, I began experiencing pain in my side... it was excruciating. It felt like acid burning deep within.  I went to the Doctors and was diagnosed with a Tubular Pregnancy. I was shocked to discover I was Pregnant again, even through I was on the Birth Control Pill. I was equally shocked, because I was also unaware a Woman could become Pregnant in her Fallopian Tube … The Doctor scheduled me for Surgery as soon as possible. I was afraid...


When I mentioned to someone at a Church I was led to attend as a new Believer that I was in need of Surgery and how I was afraid, they suggested that I open the New Testament and read about the healing power of Jesus.  


Before reading, I asked the Spirit of the Lord to speak to me and reveal Father's will for my life. This was a new way of being for me.... it was not until after I received the Holy Spirit through a Born Again Experience, that I became aware this was His desire for my life ... and one of the secrets to having an intimate spiritual relationship with Him. 


As I read, I was shocked to read how, in His desire to manifest Father's will for us Jesus ignored the protests of the Religious Leaders of His day and openly healed and delivered people from bondage while urging, 'only believe'. I wondered why they protested and how could they think such Miracles are from the Devil.  He would reveal such to me as I grew in Spirit and Truth, it was a necessary part of His plan... so the whole world could eventually have their eyes opened to the Truth of their need of a Messiah and the New Covenant offered through Him.


While reading I thought,


My Faith having been increased through reading Scriptures of our Creator's desire to heal and deliver us from the bondages which kept us from knowing His truth, I was moved to pour out my heart, "Heavenly Father, I have Surgery scheduled, and I am afraid. You know all the facts. You made this body… You can heal it. The Bible shows how Jesus healed people in Your Name boldly revealing Your will, urging them to have faith.  Recently, through Jesus imparting the Revelation of You and Your Holy Spirit with the gift of faith, You revealed YourSelf and gave me Your Holy Spirit so I could be empowered by Your Spirit to receive Your will for my life.  When You empowered me with the gift of the Holy Spirit, You manifested it with a gift of Prayer ... so I am going to just sit here and yield to the words of the Holy Spirit within, with the special language His Spirit prays as I do... while I wait for Your will to be done."


Since this Prayer Language comes with ease I began fully expecting to be healed... or for something to happen to reveal to me why not. I was becoming use to the Holy Spirit dropping Revelations into my Spirit via impressions, leaving me with a knowing which brought peace and joy.  I had only actually heard Father's Voice audibly at our initial encounter, so I did not expect Him to speak directly. As I prayed with the Gift of Prayer in a Tongue unknown to me, perhaps you can imagine my surprise when I began to notice a Gentle voice speaking from deep within. It was repeating, "Go off of the pill." 


I remember responding with the question... "Go off of the pill?" 


I will never forget what I heard next.  God's Spirit spoke from deep within with the words, "I am the Creator of life and Death, all that is. I desire for you to trust Me with your entire life... including your Birth Control, you no longer have need of it. You know My plan for you is good and not evil. Having surrendered your Life to Me for My purposes you know you are not the one in control. It would be foolish for you to use birth control.  IF I desire a Life to come forth... it will... if this is not my plan for your Life, it won't. All you need do is trust Me and in My purposes for you and them."


It was then His Spirit reminded me of my previous Pregnancies and the ways in which they had been conceived ... as well as their outcome. Through the eyes of hindsight, I could see, no attempt on my part had empowered me to prevent them, nor to make them happen according to my plan. I recognized as well, I had always wanted His will to be done, on some level deep. Realizing I had not really known what was best for my future ... I only thought I did ... I now understood that God simply wanted me to trust in His Loving plan. Surrendering to this awareness... I came to a place of deeper peace and joy within.  I felt secure in His unconditional love... a love He had told me on our first encounter, 'I could not earn nor destroy'.


Upon receiving His understanding, I was able to surrender to His will and receive with faith.  Once I did, the excruciating pain left immediately, never to return. 


When I went to the Doctors, upon examining me he found no sign of a Pregnancy... so I shyly revealed to him my experience. Although I knew I was healed, and was praying God would reveal Himself and His healing power to the Doctor through this event, what he said next surprised and encouraged me, "This has to be a Miracle! If I had misdiagnosed you, a Cyst or Tumor of that size upon bursting... would have sent poison throughout your body and you would be dead. I am beginning to have a lot of Women who are coming into my office who also say they have been healed after Prayer... so 'who am I' to say you all are wrong. I myself, have no other explanation."

When I was an Inn Keeper and Chef at Listening Heart Farm Bed and Breakfast... and Guests asked me to bake them something special; 'Death by Chocolate' was usually in their descriptions of what they wanted. Below is a Recipe given to me by my long time friend Randue back in the 1980's that always fit the bill. I am posting it at the request of a newer friend, Gordon. He says when he's depressed he uses Chocolate as a pick me up ... Gordon is battling with Prostate Cancer... and wants to thank anyone in advance who would say a prayer in his behalf.  If you would include Urba, Walter, Barb, Sherry and Laurie ... all those in such a battle, I know they are hoping to be cancer survivors too! Father we ask and thank You for the gift of a Miracle according to Your Will and Timing.



Randues' Mississippi Mud Cake Recipe

• 1 Box Pillsbury Plus Devils Food Cake
• 8 Ounce Cream Cheese
• 1 Cup Sugar
• 1 Egg
• 1 Tsp Vanilla
• 12 Ounce Bag Chocolate Chips

Mix Cake according to directions on box. Blend the rest of the ingredients together.  Fold in Cream Cheese Mixture. Bake 30-40 Minutes til top firm.  Cool on a cooling rack before Frosting.

Randues' Mississippi Mud Frosting

• 2 Packages Dream Whip
• 1 1/2 Cup Milk 
• 1 Pack Fudge Instant Pudding 

Mix together well.

Option: 1 cup of chopped Walnuts can be added to cake or frosting or both.

ADDED TREAT: Here is an excerpt of a Blog with another Mississippi Mud Cake Recipe, that one is made from Scratch, just discovered it while looking for an Image to post. If anyone tries it or has other's to recommend, do leave a comment.

A Muddy Cake Story.

Today, July 13^th

I discovered that today is the anniversary in 1832 of the source of the Mississippi River, for which we must all be very grateful, as otherwise we might not have Mississippi Mud Cake. Thank you Mr. Henry Rowe Schoolcraft.

Recipes are never actually invented, they evolve over time. The Mud Cake is a fairly new species which seems to have sprung off the American parental tree in the early 1970’s, along with its cousin, The Mud Pie. Its ancestors are the Brownie (a mud cake is a more sensible sized brownie, that is all) and Fudge, but there must be a few rogue genes in there too, as the early 1970’s recipes for Mud Cake also contain marshmallow.

This particular type of Mud Cake either never migrated to region Australia, or when it did, the marshmallow was removed, for all of the Aussie Mud Cakes I have met are entirely marshmallow-free (which makes them purer and better, to my mind, but you may disagree.

Every family has its black sheep, and at some time after the birth of the Mud Cake there sprang up something called Dirt Cake. I have never come across a live specimen, but in the interests of culinary history, sought out a recipe for you. It has an ingredient called ‘chocolate pudding mix’ in it, as well as broken up commercial biscuits (Oreos, which I believe are quite revered in their homeland), and I confess I could go no further. I am not sure what ‘chocolate pudding mix’ is, but I am pretty sure I wouldn’t like it, and I am very sure it has no place in a cake. Call me a purist. Call me a snob. Just don’t call me to the table and make me eat chocolate pudding made from a mix.

I would, however, be more than willing to sample this recipe....."

For the Recipe please check out this link worth mentioning The Old Foodie 

Enjoy ... Happy Baking!

UPDATE: Since creating this Blog I have been asked to post my Favorite No Bake Cookie Recipe by a Friend who tasted it while visiting our home. Plan to do so in about 3-4 blogs from now... as to do so sooner will interrupt the flow of its spiritual continuity. Thanks for your patience my Friend......

Click Picture for Larger View:

"While your Husband was building on my Home, helping me to prepare it for a Christian Ministry, did the Spirit of the Lord tell you what it is suppose to be?" were the unexpected words I heard from a Sister in the Lord... in the late 90's.

She was unaware in the late 80's... while in prayer, among other things I had seen myself and a Husband I was yet to meet, serving in a Bed and Breakfast Healing Retreat someday and sensed Father telling me that this was something HE was going to bring to pass ... It was impressed upon my Spirit, He would provide the finances and all which was needed when the time came.... such would have something to do with our having a listening heart, it would be on a wealthy Estate of some sort, in the country. As time went by, on two occasions, like Sarah, Abraham's wife in the Book of Genesis... I tried to help Him along through my own understanding. Each time the doors were quickly and abruptly closed... with the gentle reminder... 'I said I would bring it to pass.' On the second occasion, I decided to surrender this promise into His capable hands as I let go of my image and understanding of the final outcome... and simply experienced the days which opened up before us, with an awareness He was preparing us for that which was to come, in His timing and His ways.

When she first hired my soon to be Hubby  and shared her Call to have a Christian Ministry with us, I quietly pondered over the prospect that someday she'd have a Bed and Breakfast/Retreat... somehow we'd be involved... especially after I heard the name she had chosen for her 32 ace Estate in the country. When I answered her, I was very much aware I did not want to manipulate the situation, as I only desired His will, so I decided to suggest 5 things... tucking into the middle the words: A Bed and Breakfast Healing Retreat.

Upon hearing those word she eagerly responded with among other things, something similar to this, "That's it! My new Husband is not interested in having a Christian Ministry... but I know Father has been having me prepare Listening Heart Farm at Rose Hill to be one. I have set aside a sizable amount of my money to finance it and I am to do it for 3 years. This is perfect!! I can justify holding on to my children's inheritance from their deceased father. I can rent it out for the month of August and we can have our family gatherings there each year. Your hubby knows the place like the back of his hand... as a team you can take care of the home, the grounds and the visitors easily; with your faith, spiritual gifts and talents you'd make a perfect Host and Hostess. The two of you can move in and set the place up and then we can try it for 3 years and see what the Lord would have us to do after." For her the matter was settled...

After completing her many projects and renovations... my Hubby was suddenly unable to find fresh employment as a Jack of all Trades... very little was opening up for him no matter how much we advertised and passed the word out into the Community that he was available again; and when something did open up, more often than not, the door quickly shut due to an unexpected circumstance on the part of the one who had hired him.

Although this was frustrating to everyone involved, previous spiritual experiences had given my Hubby and I the understanding, when Father backs us into a corner after closing doors... it is because a new spiritual season is upon us ... He has a specific door for us to walk through and He is changing our focus and working on our will to bring it into alignment with His.

Our Ideal of a Christian Ministry was something the two of us had come to realize... was something we did not have the power or resources to bring about in our own strength. We would be in need of Supernatural Provision, having done all we knew to do in the moment. So we were not too surprised when we found ourselves considering the prospect of renting out our cozy furnished Cottage on one acre and moving onto her Estate... with all her possessions to do something we had never done before; my Hubby being one who likes to work alone... struggled with the thought of being an Inn Keeper... but we desire HIS will... and thus Father's will won out.... giving us 3 glorious years we will never forget!

Lord willing, I will be writing some Blogs... describing some of the miraculous events which took place during that season, ultimately revealing the Sovereignty of God and His bringing us into a deeper abiding place in Christ ... as Father proved HimSelf and revealed His unfolding plan and sovereign will for us. I will also publish some of the Recipes our Guests enjoyed and I enjoyed serving through my role as a Chef ... with that said, it is my hope you will come back to read them and try the Recipes too....

"Brendi...." began my Dad a CPA, when I entered High School in 1964, "you and I both know you're not College material even if I can afford to send you 3 girls and more importantly your 3 brothers when the time comes.... it's best for you to learn Secretarial Skills so you can take care of yourself until you marry. When you get married your Husband will take care of you, so you can stay home like your Mom and take care of your Husband and your Home and raise your Children together."



These were the words which came to mind when my first Husband could not find, to quote his mother 'a decent job'.  He along with other Soldiers who were leaving Military Service at the end of the Vietnam War in the 70's were flooding the Employment Market. 


It had been our desire that I be a stay at home Mom and Wife but his Mother was putting pressure on us for the opposite to take place.



His Mother never wanting to be ignored, and not afraid to show her disappointment screamed at us more than once words such as these, "I did not send my only child to College so you could become a Debit Collector, you need to find a Career worthy of you." and "You need to hold out for a decent job. You were an Officer in the Marine Corps and should be looking for a Career not just a Job." "You need to get a real Job, I don't care how long it takes, you hear me? "You need to make her go find the menial job, while you look for a Career. No son of mine........"



As one with a desire to be a decent Wife and Mother, I took it upon myself to find several part time jobs working from Home after my Husband quit his menial job so he could find a Professional one. The thought to take up my initial line of work, as a Professional Secretary never entered my mind, because I wanted to Parent our Children during the day.  The reality of seeking out someone one else to raise them was something my conscience could not allow. When the Eviction Notices began to come in, fear was added to my feeling like a failure. So even though I hated leaving my Husband, Baby and Toddler, I took a job away from Home in the evening as well, because he refused to do so. Inwardly I carried a lot of anxiety and the emotional pain of shame which ultimately began to overwhelm me when my first Husband turned to drinking and blaming me for our problems.  His mother added fuel to his fire by agreeing with him on one hand and berating him on another. Their words added insult to injury adding to the weight of the sense of responsibility I was carrying alone.


Years later I was able to look back with compassion, as I remembered being very exhausted and depressed during that season of my life. By the time my breaking point arrived, I was in the habit of drawing the drapes once the children went down for their naps so I could sit in the darkness and wrap myself up in my own arms while I rocked my body to and fro to soothe myself as I cried.  Finally I got to the place where I knew I could no longer live like this, if not for my sake, then for the sake of our Children. Even though I knew Jesus as my Savior, I had never been taught I could reach out to God as my Father for guidance or help ... but in desperation, I finally did ... it seemed like the right thing to do.

Praying and asking for my Heavenly Father's help gave me strength and a sense of direction and hope. On the heels of praying I heard about Government Subsidized Housing and a Government Program designed to help single Moms with Children under the age of 6, stay at home and raise their own Children with Public Assistance. Remembering how I was raised to be a stay at home Mom, my conscience led me in this direction. I was now of a mind that our children needed the security of my mothering influence at their stage of development more than things, so I decided to apply for this Program to see what might happen. 


I was amazed as to how the doors quickly opened up for me to move into Section 8 Housing once I sensed this was the wisest choice for now. I was told there was a 2 year waiting list, but the Rental Manager called me, (after I prayed for Father's will) informing me she had decided to put me on top of her list. 


At this point I fought back the shame and finally told my parents what was taking place. My Dad was furious when he discovered my Husband was not willing to take any job he could find to support his family. He didn't care what his mother expected of us and felt strongly that a man was created to take care of his family however he can, while his partner supports him.  Dan agreed it was wise that I leave and offered to pay the Deposit and help in any way he could.

When I felt I had no other choice, I received the nerve to call my Husbands Mother and blurted out something like this, "I know you think your only child needs to hold out for a Career, but when I walked in the door around 2:30 AM from working at Pizza Hut and found your son passed out drunk, our son and daughter crying, she still in the same diaper she was in when I left at 4:45 pm, laying on drenched sheets, her clothes and blanket soaked all of the way through, I made some tough decisions you may not like. I've found your son a job as a Photographer in a Studio. In order for him to take it he needs new glasses, as he broke his in a drunken stupor and we can't afford to replace them. If you want to help him find him better employment, that's up to you. I just got us caught up on paying off our 3rd Eviction Notice... our Landlord has been working with me and she has agreed to let us out of our Rental Agreement without penalty. I am leaving our Vehicle with your son, so he can go to work. I have found Subsidized Housing within walking distance of everything we need. Your son can visit our children, but he can't come with us, because I am going on Public Assistance so I can raise our babies, rather than have someone else do it. I think being raised with a full time Mother is more important than things at their age! Your son has given up on looking for a career, in an effort to please you and meet your expectations. He spends his days and nights drinking now. We tried to work things out, but he says his Therapy Group says he drinks to much because of me and you say you agree with him. As his Mom perhaps it's better that you be the one to try to get his thinking right, so he can support his family someday. He refuses to listen to me.  So... my mind is made up ... I won't allow our children to live like this any longer! If you don't take your son in, he has no place to go."


The Housing I found in Reston VA was an Apt, if I remember correctly my share was $225.00 a month. It was a new Government Planned Community and rents were determined by our income. We had air conditioning, dishwashers, basic cable, pool privileges, on site play grounds, our nearest neighbor was the Elementary School.  Being able to provide my children with this sense of security made my heart sing with joy... such helped to soothe the grief I felt, as I knew my decisions were going to be hard on them.


Once I started this new beginning... with a budget of $400.00 a month, plus medical care for the Children and Food Stamps, I knew I needed to become ingenious and take advantage of practical resources I was discovering were available to those who have a low income in a Wealthy County ... for our Children's well being and my own sense of self worth as a Mom.  


Almost immediately I heard about the Fairfax VA County Home Extension Service, which had literature on Frugal Shopping and Cooking and Living on a Budget. While reading, I was inspired to teach myself how to make all our food from scratch to include baby food and decided to apply the Frugal Techniques that had come across my path.



As our Children grew I took advantage of our Apt Community Center which did fun things, like Kiddy Parades and Costume Contests at Halloween, Easter Egg Hunts and the like. My Children's Costumes were Homemade and I found great pleasure in further developing my creative side. I also took advantage of Community Scholarships for our children like Free Swimming Lessons, Art Lessons and Ballet Lessons, which were made available for Families with a low income. Thank You Father for Generous Hearts...


It was during this new beginning, that I eventually turned my life completely over to Father God for His will to come into being and learned to hear His voice and follow His leadings and apply His daily guidance as a child born of His Spirit. Almost immediately Father revealed HimSelf to me as our Supernatural Provider and Healer and proved HimSelf as He answered prayers .... healing me spirit, soul and bodily.... teaching me and training me in the way HE knew was best as He set me free from a victim mentality, debilitating shame and more ... replacing it with a deep sense of joy, even in the midst of life's storms. 



When friends in our small Community would mention their need, I'd pray for them... to my delight someone would offer me just what was needed and I'd pass it along, praising Father for HIS faithfulness. Being in similar circumstances, as friends and neighbors we took turns baby sitting for one another... giving us Mom's the opportunity to have some times of refreshing. We shared meals and passed along toys and clothing and ultimately spiritual insights, as we matured and became like an extended family, enabling what we had to work with, to stretch further than it would have otherwise.


In order to live within our means, sometimes I washed our clothes in the tub and hung them around the Apt to dry. Back then when one bought food with Food Stamps, we would get change ... I would save it up to buy toilet paper and the like, as funds were very tight. I walked back and forth to the store with a pull cart while a friend watched our Children and I did the same for her. As our children grew I worked hard to make their lives better and to move us to a better environment.  I understand what it is to struggle with oppression and am pleased those days are behind us, but know I am a better person because of them in many ways and do not regret them.  Ultimately the hardships of life have been a blessing in that they enable me to appreciate the joys of life more fully. Father has used them to make me aware of  who I am Being ... my Attitudes in the midst of Trials and Opportunities is equally as important as what I am doing to get through them. His Spirit has made me more conscious of my daily choices and habits as I have matured Spiritually; making me more aware of not only how my choices affect me, but others.


Please know, I have shared the details above, with the hopes it will encourage those who find themselves in a place in life that they never expected to be... to reach out to God our Loving Father for His Wisdom, Provision, Guidance, Restorative Power and more  if they have not done so already ... and to open a window into the life of one who was on Public Assistance for a Season; to show how beneficial it can be in times of crisis and need ... until such a one is strong enough to move on and upward. 


As it is In Heaven may it be So on Earth